Post Con Depression

Welp, #awesomecon is over. And first off I REALLY upset I only spent one day with everyone and my parents were being poop heads. I miss everyone so much and I'm at home, remembering the times and also being left out of other times, because I wasn't allowed to spend the weekend at Kara's house.

Aside from #awesomecon and FINALLY meeting the Canadians and having a blast I've been thinking.

I think I have more friends that live far away.

I have Catitude. 'Nuff said.

EFAO (#awesomecon, for you catitude people, it's the other huge chat i'm in).

Camp friends, who I only see 1 or 2 times a year and I see then NEXT WEEK AND I'M GONNA CRY I MISS THEM ALL SO MUCH AND I LOVE THEM AND I'M SO EXCITED EXCUSE ME WHILE I EXPLODE.

And friends that USED to live here but have moved.

I feel like I have lots of friends, but the ones who are around here I don't make much of an effort to see or hang out with.

I feel like I miss the friends I haven't meet or never see more.

I feel like crying some days because I haven't seen my best friend since March and I won't see her again until the first week of August.

I feel like just hugging someone I've never meet in hopes all of these negative feelings with go away but it's impossible for me to do until LeakyCon NEXT YEAR.

I feel like everything sucks because I'm so far away and there's nothing I can do about it.

I feel like, I care more about these people than they care about me.

I feel like their lives are cooler and more exciting than mine and I'm also complaining and moping around.

I feel like I'm being jipped.

Also, by now you probably know that I failed a dreaded regents and I have tutoring and stuff twice a week and I've been doing practice tests and chapters in books and yesterday/today I realized, that I still won't pass. I suck and I'm going to fail again and I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I feel like I'm wasting my parents 100 dollars a week on tutoring but I'm trying my hardest it's just I'm not getting any better. And I'm scared. And I suck. And I miss people. And I wish I hung out with #awesomecon more this weekend and I feel that "Abby Never" by Mike Lombardo applies to me more and more every day and I just want to run away to the Catitude castle, or PA with my camp friends or live with my friend down the road or SOMETHING just. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I can't focus on my math homework and I just am depressed and I want to see all the footage from this weekend. And I might /try/ and make a video with nonsense footage I got from ROFLCOPTOUR. I don't know, I've never done that. I don't even know what I'm saying. Just that I'm sad and frustrated, and angry and missing people and in need of physical contact (because that's me). Also, I wish I was photogenic, dang it! D:<